Zx RaTeD
12-20-2005, 03:47 AM
1 Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella
2 It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c. After wrecking your boss' car
d. One hour, 12 minutes, and 37 seconds into "The crying game"
e. When she is using her teeth
3 Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies
4 Unless he murdered someone in your family you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours
5 If youve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her
6 Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable
7 No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In face, even remembering your buddys birthday is strictly forbidden.
8 On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest
9 When stumbling upon other guys watching sporting events, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing
10 You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend
11 It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when youre sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free
12 Only in situations of moral and/or peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts
13 Unless you are in prison, never fight naked
14 Friends don't let friends wear speedos. Ever. Issue closed
15 If a mans fly is down, thats his problem. You didnt see anything.
16 Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated as spys until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers
17 A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed women must remain sober enough to fight
18 Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both
19 If you compliment a guy on his six pack you better be talking about his choice of beer
20 Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend or yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response
21 Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: ie both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situation an almost imperceptable nod is all the conversation you need
22 Never allow a telephone conversation with a women to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up is necessary.
23 The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact the youre feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs
24 It is acceptable for you to driver her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
25 Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors pink, lime green, orange, or sky blue
26 The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you would know what I want!" gets an XBox. End of story
27 There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or men's gymnastics. Ever.
2 It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c. After wrecking your boss' car
d. One hour, 12 minutes, and 37 seconds into "The crying game"
e. When she is using her teeth
3 Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies
4 Unless he murdered someone in your family you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours
5 If youve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her
6 Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable
7 No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In face, even remembering your buddys birthday is strictly forbidden.
8 On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest
9 When stumbling upon other guys watching sporting events, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing
10 You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend
11 It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when youre sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free
12 Only in situations of moral and/or peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts
13 Unless you are in prison, never fight naked
14 Friends don't let friends wear speedos. Ever. Issue closed
15 If a mans fly is down, thats his problem. You didnt see anything.
16 Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated as spys until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers
17 A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed women must remain sober enough to fight
18 Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both
19 If you compliment a guy on his six pack you better be talking about his choice of beer
20 Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend or yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response
21 Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: ie both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situation an almost imperceptable nod is all the conversation you need
22 Never allow a telephone conversation with a women to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up is necessary.
23 The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact the youre feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs
24 It is acceptable for you to driver her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
25 Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors pink, lime green, orange, or sky blue
26 The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you would know what I want!" gets an XBox. End of story
27 There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or men's gymnastics. Ever.