Adam
02-21-2003, 11:47 AM
>
>It's time once again to consider the candidates for the 2003
>Stella Awards. The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella
>Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued
>McDonalds.
>
>That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most uniquely
>successful lawsuits in the United States for last year. Actually,
>joint awards should be given to the plaintiff attorneys and the
>flaming idiots on the juries who awarded anything at all to these
>morons--who deserved NOTHING!!!!
>
>The following are this year's candidates:
>
>/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>
>Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her
>peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler
>who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store
>were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the
>misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
>
>/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>
>A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses
>when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.Mr. Truman
>apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he
>was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
>
>/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>
>Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just
>finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage
>door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He
>couldn't reenter the house because the door connecting the house and garage
>locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson
>found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case
>of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's
>insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury
>agreed, to the tune of $500,000.
>
>/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>
>Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical
>expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's
>beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was
>less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a
>little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly
>with a pellet gun.
>
>/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>
>A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of
>Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft
>drink and broke her coccyx! (tailbone). The beverage was on the
>floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier
>during an argument.
>
>/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>
>Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night
>club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the
>floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton
>was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying
>the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
>
>/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>
>This year's favorite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of
>Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32- foot
>Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having driven onto the
>freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers
>seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not
>surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr.
>Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he
>couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor
>home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit,
>just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation
>vehicles.
>
>It's time once again to consider the candidates for the 2003
>Stella Awards. The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella
>Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued
>McDonalds.
>
>That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most uniquely
>successful lawsuits in the United States for last year. Actually,
>joint awards should be given to the plaintiff attorneys and the
>flaming idiots on the juries who awarded anything at all to these
>morons--who deserved NOTHING!!!!
>
>The following are this year's candidates:
>
>/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>
>Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her
>peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler
>who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store
>were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the
>misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
>
>/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>
>A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses
>when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.Mr. Truman
>apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he
>was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
>
>/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>
>Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just
>finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage
>door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He
>couldn't reenter the house because the door connecting the house and garage
>locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson
>found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case
>of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's
>insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury
>agreed, to the tune of $500,000.
>
>/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>
>Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical
>expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's
>beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was
>less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a
>little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly
>with a pellet gun.
>
>/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>
>A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of
>Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft
>drink and broke her coccyx! (tailbone). The beverage was on the
>floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier
>during an argument.
>
>/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>
>Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night
>club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the
>floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton
>was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying
>the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
>
>/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>
>This year's favorite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of
>Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32- foot
>Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having driven onto the
>freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers
>seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not
>surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr.
>Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he
>couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor
>home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit,
>just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation
>vehicles.
>